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Tamers Abridged - Episode 1 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script Vee: You are watching WTMF-49, broadcasting live from *loud orchestra sting*. Coming up later this morning, a brand new episode of Epileptic Parrot Symphony, but next, as a part of our Jetix block, it's time for Digimon Tamers. *Episode proper opens with close-ups of Digimon cards, Takato smacks cards down* Takato: Bullse-*whack*-OW. Feast your eyes on this move! Kazu: Oh man! Takato: Cynicmon attacks Cheerfulmon with parent-killing car crash! Cynicmon wins! Kazu: *Runs away crying* WAAAAAAAAAAAH! Takato: Jeez! The car was fine! *Starts putting cards away, and the box falls* Fine, I don’t need those guys. I got my Digimon cards- *Box falls* No! They’re leaving me too! *Sees blue card* Hghhh? *Closer view of blue card* HHHHHHGHHHHH *Closeup of card, Takato jumps out of stegosaurass* HhhhhAGH! Huh. I don’t remember having this card- *Immediate electrocution* AGH! Okay, I do! God! *Calculator starts malfunctioning* Agh…what’s happening now? Robot voice: Now downgrading to Internet Explorer. Please enjoy your fresh library of viruses. This device has no internet, but I bet you’re still pissed. Takato: *During* No, no, no, no! I don’t have time for this. I’ll deal with you after class! Robot voice: Achievement unlocked. You’re a twat. Would you like to tell your friends? *Pan across city to the school* Miss Asaji: And this, class, is the entire cultural breadth of why Digimon does not matter. Isn’t that right, Takato? Takato: The hall is safe, Miss Asaji. Asaji: Thank you, Takato… Takato: I’d like it if the class laughed at me, Miss Asaji. Asaji: Go ahead, class. *Children giggling* Takato: Thanks, everyone…But are you really laughing with me?! Random student: NO WE’RE NOT! Asaji: Alright, everyone, take notes. It’s time to learn the things you do that drive me to drink. Takato: *Groans, slides down wall* Oh well. Better write my apology. Dear Miss Asaji: DRAGON. Love, Takato. *Cut to Takato at desk* Takato: Hgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Guilmon. …Eh, that’s a stupid name. Oh-wait, wait! …Nah, it’s still stupid- Oh-oh, no, no, wait! …Yeah! Puppet: *Loud Stylophone note* Takato: Agh! Sorry, ma’am! Just...! Power breathing! Huh…? Jeri: *Giggling* You’re pretty funny for a poor kid who makes bread for a living. Takato: That’s both insulting and oddly specific. Jeri: There you are! Bad flute! Puppet: *Stylophone roll* Takato: Uhhh... *Jeri runs out, sticks puppet in door* Puppet: …Your milk’s gone bad. Takato: Well, I’m officially into girls. *Scene transitions to the Tokyo Towers* Riley: I’m picking up an abnormality. I think we have another one coming in. Yamaki: Another Digimon? Riley: *Dramatic* No, sir. It’s a storm…! Yamaki: …MY GOD. Talley: Uh, why is that a big deal? Yamaki: We’re Japanese, Talley. We’re not prepared to handle storms. *Show electricity in sewer. Cut to Takato in the park* Takato: Alright, I told you I’d be back! If this is one of those viruses, you win! *Electricity surrounds the clock, clock face is replaced with Anime Yoshi’s face* Takato: *Sees box lit up* Whoa… Looks dangerous. Better check. *ZAP* Yep, pretty dangerous. *Shakes box open, out drops card reader which turns into Digivice* Takato: *Very disappointed* Oh card reader. You’ve changed… Wait a second…*Picks up Digivice* It’s a…No, it can’t be. This is nuts. I’m sitting inside of a dinosaur, with a Digivice. Vee: It’s his nuts? Jay: *Disappointed* Ohhh... *Back to normal* Takato: Huh…It’s empty like me… *Cut to Takato dropping his backpack in his room and emptying out the card box* Takato: So my card reader turned into a Digivice… but there’s nothing in it…but if this is real… *holds up the notebook, gets excited* maybe I just need to fill in the data! *Loop of stupid grin as he tries to stuff it into the card slot, after a while there is an audible crack and zap* Takato: It works! Mom: Takato! Dinner’s ready! *Sets down Digivice, a Digi Egg appears* Takato: *Calling* Is it bread again? Dad: THIS TIME WE’RE PUTTING THINGS IN IT! *Zooms into DigiEgg* *Pillar of light appears in street, Takato appears above it* Takato: Wha-?! What’s going on? *Takato sees Rika, Rika takes off her glasses* Lynxmon: Sorry if I seem testy; I’ve had a bad day. Who wants a hug? Rika: *Serious* Renamon, attack- *Renamon gets tackled offscreen* Rika: ...*Sigh* I'm going home... Takato: …AWESOME. Lynxmon: Sorry if my breath is bad; I lost my floss today. You don’t know how embarrassing that- makes this?! *Renamon attacks him from behind* Renamon: Diamond storm! *Lynxmon roars as he dies, Takato wakes up* Takato: *Awkwardly* Wow…Now that was a…wet dream. Heh. Heh-heh... oh god I’m so cold… *Takato opens the window* Dad: TAKATO! Takato: Oh! Yeah Dad? Dad: Oh hey son, not you. I just say that when I hurt myself. Your real name is “Owmyhand”! Takato: …I wish you’d never told me that, Dad. Say, when you were my age, did you guys have Digimon? Dad: Son, when I was your age, I focused on bread. Let me tell ya, Takato. Don’t focus on bread. For the love of god, don’t focus on bread. Look at me. *Cut to the Stegosaurass* Takato: I’m not joking, guys! There was a Digimon battle, and a tamer, and it was foggy and raining. I swear I saw real-life Digimon fight! *Kazu covers Takato’s mouth* Kazu: Sorry Takato, but seeing your open mouth makes me murderous. Kenta: Takato, be serious. Now come on, let’s play Digimon in our *outside shot* Stegosaurass clubhouse. Takato: *Moves Kazu’s hand* I am serious! Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it couldn’t take it anymore! *Kazu and Kenta laugh heartily, run away* Takato: *Heart-broken* IT’S NOT FUNNY, YOU JERKS! *Sits up, looks at his Digivice* Takato: Fine, whatever. At least you won’t leave me, right Guilmo-? *Sees hatched DigiEgg* Takato: SON OF A F—KER! *Cut to Hypnos* Riley: High-level wild type, getting ready to bioemerge! Talley: Want me to stop him? Yamaki: Nnnoooo…Eh, maybe- n-n-nooo…*Cut to him opening and closing lighter* Just one? Yeah, no… Riley: Yamaki! Yamaki: Sorryyy! Forgot if I smoke again! Riley: *Deadpan, calling out* You dooon’t. Yamaki: …Okaaaay! …Just follow it; I don’t care. *Cut to Guilmon bioemerging* Suzie: *Looking out window* Henwy! Come and look at what I can do with my wist! Henry: Hey. What are you looking at? There’s nothing out there. *Cut to Rika listening to “I Want to be Your Friend”, which becomes the background music* Rika: Something’s coming…I can hear it clearly. *Cut to Takato running down an alley* Takato: *Panting and sobbing* Huh? *Sees the crater* Whoa…My GPsadn-S is good! This crater is all mine. *Cut to Hypnos* Riley: He’s breaking through! We can’t stop this one! *The back of Yamaki’s chair is on fire* Yamaki: I am really hungry all of a sudden. *Mine explodes, Guilmon appears* Guilmon: *Makes cute grumbly noises* Takato: Wow…! Guilmon…! Bullsh--! He’s not made out of paper! You better go back in there and fix yourself! WHERE ARE YOUR CHAINSAW WINGS?! I thought we had a deal! You used to be cool! Guilmon: GRAAAH! *Fireball* Takato: And now- you’re-hot…?! *Guilmon sees him, continues making noises as he walks up, Takato smiles in silence* Guilmon: Heeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh *Continues to fade out* Takato: …Hhgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *Continues to fade out* Davis: *Voice over* WHOA, DUUUUDES! WILL TAKATO MAKE IT OUTTA HERE ALIVE?! OR WILL HE BE BURNT TO A HIPPITY-HOP CRISPITY! FIND OUT ON THE NEXT DIGIMON: DIGITAL MONSTERS! *Credits* *Post-Credits* Vee: And now Davis: An After School Special. Davis: Hey DUUUDES! You wanna know what's rad-tacular?! BEANS AND CORNBREAD! Vee: Davis: An After School Special. Stay tuned for Epileptic Parrot Symphony. *Show the VJs’ monitor* Jay: How this made it on cable television, I will never understand. Vee: I just got fired. Category:Episode Scripts